Indulgences (or eating what I want to eat)

I am very accomplished at following directions and rules. If you want something done and tell me that the way to accomplish it is done a specific way, I’m your go-to person. I will get it done. WeightWatchers (https://www.weightwatchers.com/us/) tells me how to lose weight – and they are spot on. It works. Period.

My challenge as I move forward on this journey is that I want to eat what I want to eat and that desire is getting stronger. I’ve moved through my version of resentment over what I feel are my designated food options and discovered that I truly don’t like how that feels. I also don’t want to be resigned that because my body is a certain way I shouldn’t deserve to eat joyfully whatever it is that I want to eat. I definitely see those foods that give me the most joy as my indulgences and I know that if I don’t eat them I will successfully lose weight, but I’m done with giving them up. There must be a better view of how I’m looking at this dilemma. The reality is that one way or another I am going to eat whatever it is that I want to eat. My solution now needs to be how can I do just that and continue to lose and then maintain my weight.

Thinking outside the box is not my typical first choice. That seems a bit strange seeing that I can excel at singing on stage and that is definitely considered a creative art. My creativity lies in my ability to express feelings musically with SOMEONE ELSE’S blueprint.

AHA! I just figured something out!! I don’t have to do this all by myself. People have different strengths and I can use their support to give me the blueprint and then I can make it my own. WeightWatchers is definitely my foundational blueprint, it always will be, but now I need more insight on how to add my joyful foods to my everyday existence.

My WeightWatchers leader and personal coach, Joanie C., guided me to discover my approach to pizza. I LOVE pizza. Making my own knock-off version of pizza does not satisfy me and definitely doesn’t give me joy. Here’s my pizza blueprint:

  1. Order a cheese pie for delivery
  2. Serve out ONE slice and cut it into 3 smaller slices
  3. Put the rest of the pizza in the refrigerator to cool down
  4. Eat the pizza with a side salad and glass of red wine
  5. Take the leftover pizza out of the refrigerator and vacuum seal each piece separately
  6. Put leftover pizza in the freezer.

Now for ice cream. In my WeightWatchers meeting room I listened to a fellow member talk about the amazing ice cream sundae she had made with 1/2 cup of ice cream, cut-up fruit, and fat-free whipped topping. She said it filled up her bowl and completely satisfied her. That sounded perfect to me, so I tried it. WOW! It came out to 4 SmartPoints and it joyfully hit the spot. I didn’t feel deprived so there was no side of resentment.

Then there are waffles. My husband, Mark, and I go out to our favorite diner regularly and I always wistfully look through the pancake and waffle section of the menu. I know they are delicious but I absolutely will NOT spend the quantity of SmartPoints I would need to use to eat them. Sigh. Enter Mudhustler from WeightWatchers Connect. (He’s also on FaceBook and Instagram. https://www.facebook.com/mudhustler/   https://www.instagram.com/mudhustler_official/?hl=en) And, enter the Big Ass Waffle!

Perfection – at 4 SmartPoints including the sugar-free syrup. Joyful.

Thank you to my blueprint creators. I’m using your creativity as part of expressing my own creativity in living my healthy life.

A Milestone and a Goal

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In 80 days I will be celebrating my 50th birthday. 50! I’m not angry, upset, embarrassed, or in denial, I am a bit perplexed, though. The concept of being 50 years old baffles me – how did I get here already? I know who I am and how I feel and that doesn’t jive with my previous understanding of what being 50 is. The laugh must be on me! The truth and reality of being 50 years old is not rigid and set in stone, it’s not any one thing for all people. Yes, it is a fixed number and that is how many years I will have inhabited this body, but I am absolutely certain that each of us is much, much more than a number – if we want to be. Now, if I can just wrap my mind around BEING 50 without falling into a wide-eyed stare I’ll have a much better appearance heading into this next year. Anyway…

My goal to achieve in the next 80 days is to reclaim my goal weight. I know that I can reach this goal. The challenges I have within this timeframe are rooted in my emotions and past experience. This Friday begins my summer vacation from school, which means many exciting and rejuvenating things but it also signals a complete change in the structure of my day. I long for this lack of structure, but I am acutely aware that I depend upon it to keep me in check and on track as far as my eating and moving are concerned. It’s time I reason out a new form of structure to guide me through the summer.

Another challenge heading my way as the summer commences is that I’m heading home to Wisconsin to take a class in World Drumming and visit my family. I’m looking forward to all of this, but my history with heading back home has had me quickly returning to my not so healthy eating and exercise habits of days gone by. I know I can’t control everything heading my way in this setting so I must keep my birthday goal fresh in my mind and gage what it is that I want most in the moment.

And yet another challenge that will present itself soon after I return from Wisconsin is a fabulous Eastern Europe river cruise vacation Mark and I have planned for mid-July. It’s going to be luxurious and grand, and the sites we will be seeing will be new and exciting. Once again I must keep my goal front and center and enjoy the sight-seeing excursions more than those involving food. I will enjoy the local fare as I might not encounter these fresh options again, but I can enjoy it and enjoy feeling satisfied rather than stuffed after the fact.

Front and center: I will reclaim my goal weight by my birthday in September. I will focus on the moment and remind myself of the goal I want to achieve. I will enjoy the new structure and experiences my summer vacation has to offer. I will try new things and be conscious of how I feel.

50, physically and emotionally healthy, and at my goal weight – that’s exactly where I’m headed.

What are your summer goals?

 

Eating by 22 Minute Hard Corps

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I’m a Weight Watcher for life. In fact, I’m a Lifetime Member of WeightWatchers. In complete honesty, though, I’m a Lifetime Member of WeightWatchers making my way back to my goal weight. The road back is more challenging than the road I took to get to my goal in the first place, but I’m personally assimilating the knowledge and skills this time around and that will serve me brilliantly for the rest of my life.

As I stagger through the end of the school year and deal with the various emotional ups and downs that pass my way I’ve found it more challenging to plan meals and even eat the meals that I have planned. It’s become apparent to me that when I’m stressed out and tired I lose all motivation to do what I know I need to do to eat for my best health. I completely understand how I’m feeling and I definitely know how to plan and prep for meals, but down to my bones I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO IT. In order to not think about it I decided to follow the eating plan that came along with the Beachbody fitness program “22 Minute Hard Corps.”

The nutrition plan is clean and straight forward. The recipes are easily prepared and quite tasty. I figured out my “Ration Plan” by answering a few questions and chose to follow the daily structure breakdown of what to eat for each meal and snack. The plan makes sense and I followed it quite successfully. Here’s what I learned –

  1. Eating more protein keeps me satisfied for a longer period of time
  2. Because I’m not starving going into lunch I can eat a smaller amount and continue feeling satisfied
  3. Eating a healthy fat for an afternoon snack seems small but it gets me through to dinner without a problem
  4. A serving of protein and vegetables for dinner seems skimpy but, once again, it’s enough
  5. I don’t need to have an evening snack because I’m hungry – I’m not hungry
  6. Although I love fruit I shouldn’t eat it endlessly because it’s good for me, watching my portion sizes and quantities will only benefit me in the long run

My big Ah-ha! though is that I need to adopt my “no think” method of exercising – which has made working out a natural part of my every day – to my approach for eating. I’ll think about what my body needs to feel its best, but I’m going to turn off that part of my brain that petulantly insists that it deserves to eat whatever I want whenever I want it.

What I really deserve and what I really want is to feel great – healthy and satisfied.

Releasing My Control Freak

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It’s been just over a week since we had to say our farewells to Miles and although the sadness continues, life does go on. My heavy heart is lightening a little every day and I’m starting to reorganize my daily routine without my dear pup. It’s strange.

Another side affect I’m experiencing in my grief is that I don’t feel like thinking and organizing myself. Maybe this shouldn’t be a big deal, but I’m very aware that I’m a control freak and when I don’t feel that I have a firm grasp on my responsibilities and what’s going on around me stress dominates my existence. Couple my emotional response to losing Miles with the fast approaching end of the school year and all the deadlines and general chaos that ensues I’m feeling completely out of control. I don’t want to think about any of it, but my responsibilities continue regardless. I also have personal responsibilities that need my time if not my attention. I need to return to my workout schedule and healthy eating but my head doesn’t want to organize it.

My solution is to follow someone else’s plan, the way they organized it. I’m turning off all my preferences that cause me to second-guess what I’m being told and then bend it to the way I think is best for me. I’m going to relax into not thinking about it and just following it – for ONE week. Starting tomorrow I’m following a full week of the Beachbody program “22 Minute Hard Corps” – workouts and diet.

Today I chose the meals that follow the eating plan, grocery shopped, and prepped some of my food for the week. It took a little time to accomplish this, but it didn’t really take that much brain power. What little organizational energy I have I’m going to use for wrapping up the school year.

My goals this week –

  1. Follow the “22 Minute Hard Corps” workout and eating plan
  2. Allow the plan to work by itself
  3. Consciously release my control freak tendencies
  4. Track my progress and how I feel

Commence release.

 

It Started with a Step

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I have taken so many steps on this journey – too many to count. Sometimes the path has been straight and even, but not often or for very long. Most of the time my road has been the curvy, hilly scenic route that has many side roads to explore, where I may have actually gone off course to check things out and then had to scramble up a rock face to get myself back on track. Anyway, here I am.

I’ve lost weight and gained it many times over and in that process I’ve learned what it is that I need to do to lose weight. I get it. I understand and accept those skills and the reasoning behind them. I’m at a very different part of my journey right now. In fact, I didn’t even know that this land that I’ve entered existed: That I want to be healthy. I want to live my life in a way that supports being healthy. Instead of focusing on each step along the way I want to pick up my eyes and see everything that’s in front of me.

I have about 15 pounds to lose to get back to my goal weight and I’m beginning to understand that I’m in no hurry whatsoever. My focus needs to be off the scale and on me as a person. I’m tired of feeling guilty about how I look or what I eat. I’m ready to explore the emotional, psychological side of this journey – the part that I didn’t appreciate very much. I’m beginning to understand, though, that this is where I’m going to put all the pieces I’ve been collecting together.

Since this is my life I’ve decided that I’m going to enjoy where I am and how I’m getting to where I’m going. Now, what exactly is MY healthy?